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If Brands Were Game of Thrones Characters

With the long anticipated season 7 of Game of Thrones finally here, we thought we’d begin our series research and recap with GOT characters as our favorite digital media brands. Bundle up because Winter is Coming. Warning: if not current with GOT this post contains spoilers.

Jon Snow as Apple

This pleasantly handsome King of the North has a sleek and powerful facade much like the increasingly thinning and lustrous products from Apple. Just as Jon Snow was given a second chance at life, Apple, too, had a resurrection of its own with the creation and renovation of the iMac, iPhone, and iPad products. As Ygritte made clear, Jon Snow knows nothing, however is successful for other reasons. Apple has a similar reputation of being less cutting-edge than other computer companies yet remains successful due to their attractive and innovative designs.

Cersei Lannister as LinkedIn

We all know the type-- the ones focused on growing their social network, presenting a successful and well-liked image to the public eye, and consistently fighting for the highest job title. No, not your college roommate set on making partner before 30, we’re talking about Cersei Lannister. Cersei does whatever she can to remain Queen of Westeros. From sending her daughter, Myrcella, off to Dorne to build a relationship, to murdering her son’s wife to eliminate the competition, this Queen will stop at nothing to keep her job title.

Jaime Lannister as Instagram

Who is arrogant, vain, untrustworthy, and controlled by something greater? That would be Instagram. Oh, and also Jaime Lannister. Both man and social media platform are known for beautiful and interesting images yet not the honesty behind them. Jaime, often not so affectionately known as the KingSlayer, is distrusted by many for committing his namesake, but also manipulating his way into power through his incestuous relationship with his sister lover, Queen Cersei. Instagram, too, can be manipulative with many users photoshopping their images and purchasing followers ( use Amortentia if you want to go to the dark side) use to seem more influential than their realities. We all know that @KingSlayer1 would kill it on Instagram.

Lord Varys as Facebook

Lord Varys is known for his seemingly infinite supply of information from and about all other characters on the show. Much like the mantra of our favorite social media platform, Facebook, Varys lives by the idea that the more information you have, the more powerful you are. With secretive data gathering and targeted strategies, Lord Varys is simply Facebook on legs.

Tyrion Lannister as Twitter

Twitter’s unique foundation is set on the 140 character limit whilst remaining a social media powerhouse. Similarly, where Tyrion Lannister may be restricted in strength and height, he makes up for in his wits and eloquence. The drunk Lannister may provoke political scandals and mislead many for his own benefit, but what good tweet doesn’t do that. Retweet.

Daenerys Targaryen as YouTube

YouTube has been a steadily dominant website from the start and it’s not going anywhere. We rely on the site to provide information, entertainment, and at times companionship. Khaleesi personifies this site with her swift and lingering dominance as well as her captivating motherhood of dragons. We trust her, we love her, and we just can’t look away. Dragon tricks are the new cat videos.

Arya Stark as Buzzfeed

Nobody loves making lists more than Buzzfeed, so here we have 3 reasons why Arya Stark is the Game of Thrones version of this digital company.

  1. As Arya is the new face of the Many-Faced-God, she and Buzzfeed both share the unique ability to switch personas within seconds. By switching from a news outlet, to a food tutorial channel, and compilation of funny videos, Buzzfeed tends to take on many roles.

  2. Both Arya and Buzzfeed command attention, we simply can’t ignore them. From her canny swordfighting and clever banter, to Buzzfeed’s catchy headlines and insightful personality tests, both character and site remain relevant.

  3. No better way to end this list than with the fact that both character and company love a good list-making. Arya’s hit list began as a nighttime ritual to ease her to sleep but has remained a driving factor in the character’s story. On the same note, Buzzfeed’s use of this technique may have began as easy clickbait, however the site is now notorious for ludicris articles spelled out through excessive list making.

White Walkers as Uber

They’re coming and they’re taking over the world. Both the tech transportation app and ice creatures are gaining traction through the recruitment of new members. Whether they’re involuntarily murdered and converted into humanoid or downloading the app and applying to be drivers is just a means to an end. While the White Walkers are driving in winter, Uber is conquering the digital world one download at a time.

Bran Stark as Snapchat

Snapchat gives all users the ability to warg into other people’s point of view. Instead of opening the app and seeing what your cousin is doing in Mexico for Spring Break or the avocado toast your friend had for breakfast, Bran has the ability to enter the minds of others and see through their eyes. The glazed over eyes and comatose state that follow both are mere coincidences.

Robb Stark as Vine

Robb’s twisted fate at the Red Wedding in season 3 mirrors that of Vine’s in 2016. Both very popular, attractive, and buzzworthy subjects that came to a swift and unfavorable end. Robb, the former King of the North, was taken down by Walder Frey post wedded bliss, while Vine’s discontinuation is credited to Twitter. All is fair in love and war and looping six second videos.

Ned Stark as MySpace

The once King no longer reigns supreme. MySpace began the social media movement in 2003 with the introduction of interactive personalized profiles. The rise of Facebook led to the fall of MySpace. Similarly, Ned Stark’s demise can be accredited to Joffrey’s rise to power and brutal ruling style. One minute you’re in, and the next you’re out.

Theon Greyjoy as Google+

Theon remains pertinent due to the name and title he was born into, not because he is a great or captivating man. Equivalently, the interest-based social network is still around because it is the child of Google, it was born into fame. Google + could be useful but there is something off. We feel something is missing, much like Greyjoy and his D***.

Hodor as Tinder

When you’re only built for one thing, you do it well. This fact remains true for both trusted stableboy, Hodor, and the more-than-friendly dating app, Tinder. Finally revealed in season 6 the meaning behind Hodor’s name and role, he sure did hold the door well. Similarly, Tinder is designed to connect adults close in proximity. Known as the infamous hook-up site, Tinder achieves its goal of bringing people together. One holds doors, the other opens them.

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